February
Wolfeboro, NH on Lake Winnipesaukee
We’re in the thick of the cold and it can be hard to get outside or motivate ourselves to leave our cozy homes. My friends have a beautiful family home in NH near Winnipesaukee. We have been taking little weekend trips up and embracing the cold. There is something about bundling up and walking through the snowy woods.
January was rough for me. As some of you know, I spent most days dealing with vertigo this month. The crisp, cold air was a savior for my mental health. I began thinking about how healing from vertigo is a lot like exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP). ERP is a treatment intervention primarily used for obsessive/compulsive disorder (OCD). The premise of it is to expose yourself to the thing your brain is most fearful of, preventing calming responses, repeating many times to acclimate the brain the the fearful thing. In vertigo recovery, I have to put my head in positions that previously induced dizziness. I notice now that I am hesitant to bend my head down fearful of getting the dizzy-spell again. To reacclimate my brain and body — to build the trust back— I have to keep moving in ways I might be afraid of.
I went to a vestibular physical therapist (one who helps work on balance) and I told her, “It’s so frustrating! I’m a good person! I do good things for my body! why does this happen?” She replied as we both laughed, “You know it has nothing to do with that, you should know that as a therapist! It’s about resilience”. That is still sitting with me a few days after my visit. I thought about a lot of you, my clients, and how we all have to be resilient so often and how exhausting it can be. (In a whole other rant, I would talk about how this relates to the resilience we need to be in our country right now, but I’ll save that for another newsletter).
Back to my wooded walks and how important they are. We need moments of groundedness to stay resilient.
Where is a place you go to recharge your resilience?
Who are the people you surround yourself with to feel grounded?
In so many of my sessions and conversations with friends, comparison comes up. I was at the gym last week and began scribbling down these thoughts in my notes app that wanted to share:
When we start seeing each person in the spaces we enter as another person who has hated themselves or part of themselves at some point, we soften.
Each person in that room has lost someone they loved. Each person in that room has looked in the mirror and felt sadness. Each person in that room stood in a dressing room and did not like what they saw. Each person in that room has felt embarrassed for something they said. Each person in that room misses a friendship or relationship that ended poorly.
Isn’t this true about any room? Any space we’re in? — A grocery store. A park. A bar. On the subway. At the movies. When we begin to see each person around us as another being with a whole network of experiences and emotions, we can notice how truly human all of our experiences are.
How does this shape your thoughts of comparison?
Eating something that reminds you of a friend?
Text them.
This is a short reminder to reach out when you are thinking of the people you love. If a friend tells you they are having an interview for a new job next Monday, ask Siri to set a reminder to text them and ask them how it is. It a time of so much chaos and discomfort, these little messages can go a long way. It feels good to be thought of, doesn’t it?
Below is a text I sent a friend last week who had an interview for a new job (she got it! yay!). She loves sour cream and it reminded me to reach out.
here’s to a brand-new month.
with love, Marina
